Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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