Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
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You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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