Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
