If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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