What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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