if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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