I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
