dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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