Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
