i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
