Ambien. No doubt about it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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