he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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