he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
