Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
