Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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