are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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