HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
