tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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