i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
