why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish you could order shots online.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
