Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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