To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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