i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
