Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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