Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
