Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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