I love black thongs
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
