you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
