ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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