Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
