sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
