You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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