We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
