I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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