I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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