I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
smell my finger.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
