I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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