Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
