Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
