there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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