Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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