break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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