it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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