Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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