you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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