it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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