I'm jealous of your bromance
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
