I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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