i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
