Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.