Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?