Can i not drive my cunt home
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.