there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?