he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
