So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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