Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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