Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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