well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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