That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
