I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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