Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
