My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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