My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
