I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
