if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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