okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
