Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
