Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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