pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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