For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
